Patriotism Forced Newt Gingrich to Cheat on Cancer-Stricken Wife

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Oh but the power of mom, apple pie and the American flag!

Rumored GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich tells David Brody of the Christian Broadcasting Company that patriotism made his penis hard and forced him to insert it into a woman while still married to his former, cancer-stricken wife, Jacqueline Battley.

File under: You Can’t Make this Stuff Up.

Newt Gingrich: “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate. And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn’t trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them.”

All I can say is please, please declare your intention to run for president!

Gingrich is such an utterly despicable douchebag that his mere proximity to the General Election guarantees the Democrats will hold onto the White House in 2012.

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14 Responses to Patriotism Forced Newt Gingrich to Cheat on Cancer-Stricken Wife

  1. R.J. says:

    I can relate to Newt. My love for my country makes me vote Democrat every first Tuesday of November.

  2. Newt Gingrich makes me happy I was born gay.

    Why do women (even conservative women) tolerate worthless sheyat like Newt? Are the pickins at the GOP Country Club really so slim?

  3. Rachel says:

    Excuse me. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  4. Joe in Colorado says:

    I’m surprised Newt didn’t say “the Devil made me do it.” People like this never take responsibility for their actions and always blame some outside force. He’s scum — pond scum.

  5. Eric Equality Kuntz says:

    Christopher — Newt is also a champion of Proposition 8.

  6. lea-lea says:

    There aren’t sufficient Pounds Sterling in the Bank of England to grease the sheets for me to sleep with Newt Gingrich.

    Not only is he physically disgusting, he’s morally reprehensible and he has the personality of a toad.

  7. Pechanga says:

    I’m thinking…….., hmmm, maybe Gingrich/Palin 2012?

    Now that’s a ticket with all the elements of a true freak show. Tea Party approved and ready to go on the road! Best of all, Fox and CNN will treat them like royalty.

  8. DMason says:

    He looks like Captain Kangaroo.

  9. CriticalEyes says:

    What a lying sack of Sheyat!!!!!

  10. Jolly Roger says:

    As I said elsewhere, apparently Jenna Jameson, Traci Lords, and John Holmes are uber-patriots.

  11. Walk on Socks says:

    Is Newt Gingrich really male?

    He looks like a member of the LPGA. No offense to members of the LPGA.

  12. libhomo says:

    Jolly Roger: Please stop being mean to porn stars. Associating them with Newt Gingrich, really now.

  13. Krystal says:

    No offense, but why would ANYONE, male or female, want to have sex with Newt Gingrich??????? I mean, come on! Not only his reprehensible behaviors, but also his appearance… Who on this earth is THAT desperate???

  14. Pingback: Meet Newt Gingrich … former presidential candidate **UDATED** : The Reid Report

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